Like Sands Through The Hourglass… So Are The Questions Of Our Lives
Truth: Stranger Than Fiction?
Ladies and gentlemen, the stories you are about to read are true.
If we knew their names, we would have changed them to protect the innocent.
But we don’t, so we didn’t. We also did not edit the questions for spelling, grammar, or punctuation. Well, hardly at all.
Can I get a salary in addition to free room and board while caring for a parent who has dementia?
I live with my mother who has dementia. I care for her 9 pm until 9 am every day. I get free room and board and gas. No salary compensation
— Night Ranger
Bad news: Paying a family member for care services is near impossible.
Good news: You may still get the homestead.
How To Get Paid Caring For Mom
Ray: I did it all. Not once did I ask “What’s in it for me?”
Shoeless Joe: What are you saying, Ray?
Ray: I’m saying “What’s in it for me?”
— Field of Dreams
Bad News Rules – No Pay For You
Getting paid for caring for your loved one without breaking the rules is complex, confusing, and convoluted. You might even think that the rules are unworkable on purpose.
Here’s what you need:
1. Legal contract. Written. Dated. Notarized.
2. Contract first. Services and Payment second.
3. No payment until services are performed.
4. No advance payment for future services or expenses.
5. Mom must live at home. Not in a “nursing facility, adult foster care home (licensed or unlicensed), institution for mental diseases, inpatient hospital, intermediate care facility.” Maybe your home.
6. Mom cannot “be eligible for home and community-based waiver, home health or home help.”
7. Mom’s doctor must prescribe the services in writing. With a care plan. And certify that without your help, mom would be going to a “residential care or nursing facility” pronto!
8. No pay for “companionship.”
9. Mom must sign the contract. Except #10.
10. Mom’s court-appointed guardian or conservator, or Patient Advocate or agent under mom’s power of attorney, may sign the contract. But the caregiver cannot be the representative.
11. Mom’s care plan must get Medicaid’s OK.
12. All these arrangements go under the Medicaid Microscope. Medicaid will “review the written instrument between the client and the provider which must show the type, frequency and duration of such services being provided to the client and the amount of consideration (money or property) being received by the provider, or in accordance with a service plan approved by [Medicaid].” Ouch!!
Good News Rules – House For You
Normally, mom cannot give you the house. (Unless you are blind or disabled.) without suffering severe penalties.
Here’s how it works:
1. Mom transfers the homestead to a child (you).
2. You lived in mom’s house for at least two (2) years.
3. Mom will now receive Medicaid long-term care services.
4. You provided care that would otherwise have required long-term care services.
5. Mom’s physician (M.D. or D.O.) documented #4.
So, if you are caring for mom at home, and living there too, you can’t get paid without penalty, but you can get the house. After 2 years of pretty intense care. While you are actually residing in mom’s house. Not next door. Or down the street. Change your driver’s license, etc.
Stranger Than Fiction Lesson
Mom Cannot Pay You $10 Per Hour, But Mom Can Give You A Million-Dollar House
Can a family member kick you out you are their soul [sole?] caregiver and their power of attorney but it’s their house and you pay rent
My mom got sick 3 years ago after my dad passed away I sold my house quit my job of 28 years and moved in with her and my grandmother and my son. It is her house we have been here for 3 years
Dear Unappreciated: As you now know, mom cannot pay you for services, even if she wanted to… As it is, you have no ability to require her to allow you to stay. If mom wants to evict you, she is within her rights. Mom can also revoke the power of attorney.
Three years ago, that was the time to figure out what you and your mom were willing to do for one another. That was the time to make a deal. Of course, you were not thinking of “making a deal” when you rode to the rescue. Which is why folks need to consult with an elder law attorney when making these sorts of life-changing decisions.
Yes, it seems cruel and harsh to suggest that you should “lawyer up” when you are just trying to help in a desperate situation. On the other hand, maybe a brief consultation would avoid the cruelty and harshness of being evicted by your own mom after you made such profound sacrifices for her.
Can a poa act as executor for a mentally incapacitated person named as executor?
I have a family member who claims to have poa for my mentally incapacitated parent. My parent was named as executor and that family member is claiming to be executor because of that alleged poa..
Dear Skeptical: The short answer is No. Your parent’s agent is acting for your parent. Only. If you named a close friend to take care of your affairs, would you want a friend of your close friend to make your decisions? Of course not. It does not work that way.
It can be uncomfortable to challenge the family member’s claims. But you must. Do not let the “family member” get away with this sort of thing. Pushing the decision down the road will only make things worse. Much worse. Do not avoid the situation! Confrontation is tough. Be tough. Act now.
Life-Plan™ Salvation For The Middle-Class
The rich do not need me. Folks without savings, I cannot directly help. (Although a percentage of all gross revenue goes to charities.) That leaves you. Regular folks. The middle-class savers, workers, builders that I can help. You reject nursing home poverty. You choose the path of reasonable optimism, while guarding against the potential downsides. Hope for the Best, Plan for the Worst.
The LifePlan™ approach is the least expensive, most effective solution to the harsh reality of long-term care. Open your eyes to long-term care costs. Accept reality. Seventy percent (70%) of us aged 65 will need these services. Average: 3 years. Twenty percent (20%) of us will need services for more than 5 years. Says the federal government. Refuse to allow your lifesavings evaporate like a snowflake on a hot griddle. Recognize the reality of the caregiver spouse dying first, almost half the time and fix it. Reject nursing home poverty.
Not Chance, Your Choice
Uncover The Elephant!
There is nothing inevitable about nursing home poverty. Peace of mind and security are waiting for you. Right now. It is a choice. Despite what “everybody else” says. Despite their attempts to disguise the elephants in the room. For over thirty years, people have told me, “I’ve never heard of this before!” “If this is real, why doesn’t everyone do it?” “My lawyer / financial advisor / brother-in-law / accountant / tax person / banker/best friend / fill-in-the-blank never said anything like this…”
Well, here you are. Now you know. No excuses. Get the information, insight, inspiration. It is your turn. Ignore the message? Invite poverty? Or get the freely offered information. To make wise decisions. For you. For your loved ones.
No Poverty. No Charity. No Waste.
It is not chance. It is choice. Your choice.
Get Information Now.
If The Shoe Fits…
Partisan Politics? Me?
Faithful Readers: Like most of you, I believe that cheerfulness, hard work, perseverance, loyalty, openness, and love of others are the path to success. We do not suffer smug, sanctimonious, divisive, destructive, pseudo-intellectuals gladly. Recently, I reacted to a new book that neatly encapsulates the sneering, unearned, assumed superiority of the incompetent chattering class. You may recall the piece: “They Do Not Hate You; They Despise You.”
Well. You and I are willing to “suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.” And most of you were warmly supportive, even enthusiastic. But there was one reaction, profane and obscene… that suggested I was indulging in “partisan politics.” How is that possible?
Is it true that support for the American middle class is a “partisan” issue? Not in my experience. I cannot believe it. I do not believe it. Honesty and integrity; respect for others; forthright conversation in the marketplace of ideas. Partisan? How? Is there a party in favor of censorship, suppression, and “holier-than-thou”, self-righteous preening?
We are committed to helping American working women and men avoid nursing home poverty and secure the best possible future for themselves and their families. We make the rules work for the folks who play by the rules. We do not appreciate deception, snobbery, or phony empathy. Simple as that.
If some folks decide to be on the other side, that is their personal choice, not ours. And we would welcome them back at any time. With open arms! But “partisan”? “politics”? Good grief. No. Not in a million years.