Breaking News! EXTRA EXTRA – Read All About It!
Gargantuan Globemaster C-17s
– Full Of Formula For Forlorn Foreigners
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Never let it be said that The Reporter is a Gloomy Gus or Debbie Downer. At the slightest inkling of good news, you, good reader, will be informed. Today is such a day.
Our crackerjack squad of mild-mannered reporters were researching momentous issues of the day. By watching TV. One alert reporter (see photo) pointed out the newsworthiest item of the day. Details are still coming in, but clearly, the U.S. has stepped up to the rescue, yet again.
Our Crackerjack Team Gathering Essential Information Credit: Smithsonian Magazine
Apparently, somehow, some way, Ireland and Germany managed to botch production of baby formula. That’s the white powdery substance that you mix with water for infants to drink. Infants do not have teeth, so they need this liquid stuff. Also, they are infants and not good with silverware. Can you imagine such a thing? Modern countries unable to provide for their own baby citizens? Having to rely on the kindness of strangers to feed the most precious and vulnerable? It boggles the mind that any modern nation with a shred of self- respect could allow it. Red-faced embarrassment, indeed!
Anyway, our gaggle of reporters reported that the TV showed pictures of U.S. Air Force cargo planes just loaded with this highly nutritious, if not delicious, essential cargo. In Germany. And Ireland.
C-17 Globemaster Aircraft of the Foreign Country Charity Baby Formula Force
Credit: US Air Force
Lucky for them that the old ole US of A was ready, willing, and able to help out once again. Gosh we are just the best. Stay tuned as we bring you all the details…
And while we are waiting for those additional details, we must ask the question, “How could this have happened? To modern, well-governed, intelligent nation-states?”
Just guessing here, as we await further details, but the cause of this sad blunder is no doubt linked to their benighted nondemocratic, royalist histories.
It appears that two formula-drinking babies died of infection. So imperialistic, unthinking Irish and German bureaucrats, drunk with authority and power, ignorantly shut down the baby formula factory that produced some huge percentage of the national baby formula supply. Then, the factory proved scientifically and without question that the tragic deaths had nothing to do with the factory. Or the formula.
And this is where the superiority of the American Way blazes like a supernova beacon in the night! In America, kindly, competent public servants would have evaluated the evidence, made corrections where needed, and with a heartfelt concern for their fellow-citizens, reopened that factory lickety- split! That’s the can-do spirit! Let’s show the whole world how to get the job done!
Not so for those poor Europeans! Oh no, not so. Those folks puttered around for months while supplies ran out. Their second-string newspapers reported shortages last November 2021. Even their government-approved, Establishment-sanctioned, politically correct mouthpieces (the Euro- equivalent of the New York Times and Washington Post) reported impending doom in January 2022. And still their governments did nothing. Sad.
Stand By For Additional Up-To-The-Minute Reporting From Roving Reporters
Our A-Team of Reliable Sources continues to investigate Old Europe’s shameful tragi-comic failure of every government’s most basic duties. By intently watching more TV. This time in black and white because black and white is more serious.
Now reading our Truth Squad’s follow-up report… The Squad states that our initial reports were wrong… we were too optimistic. Situation far far worse than could be imagined. Oh, the Humanity! What have those Germans and Irish done? Uh oh…
It’s Howdy Doody Time!
Hmmm. Well, it appears that, as we have always said, because we are never to blame for any misstatements however gross or negligent, it is not our fault. Plato, Aristotle, and Socrates all agree: “Reporting means never having to say you’re sorry.”
Turns out those heroic Air Force cargo planes were loading infant formula from Germany and Ireland. For delivery to Indianapolis, Indiana, U.S.A. It was American bureaucrats who shut down factories, ignored scientific evidence, sparked panic buying, and moved with the charming speed of an exhausted three-toed sloth. A drunk, debauched, exhausted three-toed sloth. With the shakes. Dismissed the warnings from months ago. Pooh-poohed the damage and suffering. Gosh darn those unelected, unfeeling nabobs!
Grateful Americans Anxiously Awaiting Generous Germans. And Irish.
Credit: Department of Defense
At least our elected political leaders have the good grace to be embarrassed, apologetic, and eager to set things right. They need our votes, after all. Certainly, they would never exploit parents’ anxiety or babies’ hunger for political expedience. Our statesmen and stateswomen have far too much respect for the intelligence of the American People and their own sense of honor and class to try covering up their failures and attempting to spin this humiliating episode as some sort of victory. Or not.
Records Set For New Regulations Not Just Inflation, Mortgage Interest Rates, And Gas Prices Anymore
U.S. politicians and government bureaucrats continue to set records that are unlikely to ever be challenged, let alone surpassed. In the last year, 69 brand new, major regulations. 72,000 pages of executive orders, regulations, and legalese. One think tank (probably evil or Russian or both) says this new red tape will cost over $200 billion. Another tank claims that 131 million more hours will be spent bending the proverbial knee to our do-gooding busybody federal potentates. No wonder it is tough to get good help!
New Paperwork Required to Operate a 7-11 Convenience Store
Credit: Raiders of the Lost Ark
Did you know some say every 15% increase in federal regulations leads to a 1% increase in inflation? Me neither. Thank goodness inflation is so low we do not have to worry about that sort of thing. Whew!
Oh yeah. And the stock market is crashing too. Cheers!
Traditional Planning Is Death Planning
Avoid Probate, Save Taxes, Get To Kids?
And When You Die Broke, Drained By Long-Term Care, Probate Is Irrelevant
Traditional estate planning is supposed to avoid probate, save taxes, and dump your leftover stuff on your beneficiaries. After you die. Nobody cares what happens to you while you are alive. How does that help anyone? Stupid.
Traditional estate planning fails because the overwhelming majority of us will need long-term skilled care. 70% of us. For an average of 3 years. And we will go broke paying for it.
Is it surprising that thousands of recreation properties: cottages, cabins, hunting land, are lost to pay for long-term care? Why is your estate planner hurting you and your family? It is evil intent? Or stupidity?
LifePlanning™ defeats Nursing Home Poverty. Keep your stuff. Get the care you have already paid for. Good for you. Good for your family. Good example for society.
When my mother suffered from the dementia which led to her death, over 10 years ago, their estate plan preserved their lifesavings. Mom’s months in the nursing home did not mean Dad’s impoverishment. Dad spent the last years with security and peace of mind.
Is Now A Bad Time For A Real Solution?
Perhaps you think you already have an answer to this problem. Maybe you do not see this as a problem at all. It is possible that you do not believe in the passage of time or its effects on you.
Peace of mind and financial security are waiting for everyone who practices LifePlanning™. You know that peace only begins with financial security. Are legal documents the most important? Is avoiding probate the best you can do for yourself or your loved ones? Is family about inheritance? Or are these things only significant to support the foundation of your family?
Do you think finding the best care is easy? Do you want to get lost in the overwhelming flood of claims and promises? Or would you like straight answers?
Well, here you are. Now you know. No excuses. Get the information, insight, inspiration. It is your turn. Ignore the message? Invite poverty? Or get the freely offered information. To make wise decisions. For you. For your loved ones.
The LifePlan™ Workshop has been the first step on the path to security and peace for thousands of families. Why not your family?